i have ...

i have decided that i can't live like this anymore.the navy is a good opportunity and as of right now, i'm going to go for it.i need to be thin and in shape. i don't care if it takes pills, fasting, dieting, purging...i just need to get there. now.i am going to set a goal. right now, i feel like i'm around 165 but in reality i'm probably about 153-155.my goal for next monday is 140. i know it can be done.and i will do it.no more excuses. this is it.btw - i saw this girl on the boat on my way to my grandfather's last night and she was so thin and you could see the bones in her face and back and she had the prettiest skinny fingers. omg. but, she looked so sad, and she was sitting on the floor of the ferry curled into a ball, and i kinda felt bad for her, while at the same time i was thinking how i wished i could curl up that small...anyway, i just wanted to share that because we kept looking at each other and it was like in some way we were telling each other "i know how it feels" but then i was thinking that she was probably looking at me thinking 'omg, i'm ana because i never want to look like that.' argh.