MMT

I WAS A HAPPY CHILDlucky you. you were what every child should be.carefree. optimistic. and happy.what kind of child were you?(brought you by april)I WAS A SWEET CHILDyou're parents were lucky with you. you're sweet.innocent. helpful. and cute.what kind of child were you?(brought you by april)

MMT

Where to begin...Well, one thing I forgot to post on Friday was that at work on Friday afternoon, my knee doctor in Florida faxed over an order for me to have a knee xray at work so he could verify the placement of the screw he's going to remove on October 16. Anyway, I was laying on the table having my xray and the tech looked at my ankle and said, "Oh, what do you have, a tattoo or a note or something?" And I freaked and said, "Uh, yeah." Thank God she left it at that because printed on my left ankle in sharpie pen are the words "QUOD ME NUTRIT ME DESTRUIT."Anyway...On Friday night, I decided that I couldn't let this out-of-control behavior go on any longer, and I took a metabolife thinking that it would make me less hungry at breakfast and make it easier to wake up in the morning because of the caffeine. Well, I went to bed at 1am, and around 5am, I was wide awake. Actually, it was probably earlier because I tried really hard to get back to sleep but I couldn't, and I finally got out of bed at 5am. So...I took a shower and packed for my cousin's wedding, and then decided to go to work and see if there was any filing or anything to do. I got to work a little after 6:30am, and there really wasn't much to do, so I finished up what I could in less than 20 minutes, and then went in the back to say hi to Kim. I ended up leaving work at 10:40am and rushing to get to my grandmother's house. Kim and I talked about everything, and I really enjoyed her company. She's the nicest person, and it always makes me feel a little better to talk to her. I need to get a card to give to her when I leave.So, I got to my grandmother's house around 11am, and we didn't end up leaving until 12:30pm, and then we stopped about 20 minutes into the trip to eat lunch, and finally got to the Cape and checked into the condo around 4pm. My aunt and grandmother went to the rehearsal dinner and my two cousins and I went to the grocery store, took a nap, and then went out to dinner. I got chicken broccoli alfredo but I only ate about 1/2 cup of pasta and no chicken or broccoli because the pills make food repulsive to me (yeah!). Anyway, we got 2 pints of ice cream for that night, and I only had one scoop of each flavor while we were watching "Legally Blonde." All in all, I had a pretty good food weekend.This morning, we went to breakfast, and then back to the condo to take showers and get ready for the wedding. The wedding started at 1:30pm, and it was really good except for the fact that there were a lot of people and it was outside, and they didn't use a microphone, so we got to watch the wedding, but couldn't hear it. Also, it was at lunch time, and they had crackers, cheese, shrimp, strawberries and an open bar, and it was at lunch time...so everyone was starving and drunk. LOL. I don't think it's smart to give people unlimited alcohol and no food. But, it was really cool to see all of my family again...some people I haven't seen since I was a baby, some for 10 years...so, yeah, it was cool. And my God-mother was there. I haven't seen her since 1992 (I think she was at my dad's funeral in '95 but I don't remember seeing her). I wish I had more time to spend catching up with her. She said she'll be at the Cape until next Monday (they live in San Francisco) but I don't know if I really want to drive there and back in one day (at least 5 hours, maybe more).Also, I was kind of freaked out being surrounded by people that looked like my dad. Actually, I kind of wanted to scream and run, but I just pretended I was fine. All of his brothers and sisters (mostly my God-mother) look just like him. And it makes me really sad, and it's just a weird feeling to see someone who's gone in someone else.Well, I need to get to bed. It's only 9:30pm, but I'm exhausted. I'll write more tomorrow. And on a good note, I'm working with Kim on Tuesday and Wednesday. :o)

MMT

three-minute group showers at navy basic training is total motivation to lose weight and get in shape.

MMT

I've totally lost control. Lost myself. Lost everything I had worked for. I was losing weight. Now I'm almost back where I started. Tonight, on the way home from work, I was thinking about how I'm leaving for the Navy and leaving Massachusetts, and it occured to me that this may be the last time I get to see my grandmother. My only direct living connection to the Dad I lost. She's 90. And her health is failing. And then I bawled. Cried so hard I could barely see through my tears. And I didn't want to go home like that so I went to the grocery store and walked around for an hour, and bought pens (I have a pen fetish) - 10 packs for $1 each. This is the first time I've cried in a long time. I can't remember the last time. I'm going to go take a pill now - a metabolife. And then I'm going to go to bed. I have to be up by 7:30am to pack for my cousin's wedding, then go to work and finish what was left undone tonight, and maybe talk to Kim for a while. Then I have to be at my grandmother's by 10:45 to leave for Cape Cod. Tonight was Don's last night at work. He was one of my favorite MRI techs, and it was weird to say goodbye to him and think that with him leaving and me leaving, there's a good chance that I'll NEVER see him again. That's just weird. And it kind of freaks me out. I hope he'll remember me...I know I'll remember him. He always called me Miss Kelly, and he told me how much he liked working with me. :o) You know, the last time I felt this sad about never seeing people again was when I left ED treatment. And I would do anything to be back in touch with some of them. Anyway, I'm depressing myself. Pills and then bed. G'night.

MMT

Hmmm...I downloaded Semagic instead of the normal LJ updating tool, and I just need to share that it's awesome. But, I'm going to sleep now, so no more playing tonight. Also, I NEED TO GET BACK ON TRACK. I don't know what it's going to take, but I can't live like this anymore. I'm joining the Navy, so I need to be motivated. I need to eat well, and exercise, and get in shape, and...GET IN CONTROL OF MYSELF! I'm so sick of tomorrow's the never come. I will do this if it's the last thing I do. Grrr.G'night.