AHTDF

It's been weeks since I've written anything, but I always end up posting the same thing: I'm sick of living like this, I can't face myself, I want to be thin. But then again, what else is there? I feel like I'm caught in this whirlwind spiral. I say I want to get over my ED, and I think I want to mean it, but I can't stop thinking this way. I know I'm sick. I want to go into the Navy so bad, but I just don't know. I don't know because I feel like my world is crumbling. I feel like my ED is out of control and I'll never be away from it. I tried taking a break from LJ, but LJ is my support. No one else understands. I don't know if I can ever beat this. I've tried everything from packing my own lunches, to fasting, to diet pills, and back again. Nothing works. I think I might give in and call a therapist. Maybe the nice one I saw when I first got up here. I should have kepy seeing her, but I didn't ever go back because I didn't want to admit that I needed to be there. I think her name was Emily. And I think I'll go there before work tomorrow and talk to her receptionist. Maybe she'll see me again. I think she'll understand. Argh. I wish there was someone online to talk to. I really wish there was. I wish for anything that could save me from myself.