MMT

well...i'm in this place again. i want nothing more than to curl up in a ball and hide. and not come out until all of the fat is gone. i want to cry real tears and feel real pain, and i want time to stand still around me. i'm still questioning myself as to why i'm leaving. why i don't just stay here and go to school. why i don't try to make friends instead of going back to the old ones. i know things won't be the same when i get back. it's like when i came back here wanting to return to the past. things change. people change. the saying goes, "you can never go home again." but then again, it also goes "you have to go home to leave home." ugh.part of me wants to go back to florida. starve. exercise. come back here thin and fragile. i try to examine what it is...to dig deeper and find out why i want it so bad. but there's something that i'm scared to find. something hidden. and there's a reason it's hidden. i'm sure of that. but...?and then the navy. i still want it, but i can't think about it now. i have too much else on my plate, so to speak.i talked to kim and the new guy jim for a while tonight. i wish i could spend more time with kim. :o( anyway, i need to go to sleep...i've been taking my metabolife and trying not to eat as much. but tomorrow, i'm going to up the pills and cut the intake. i'm gross and fat, and almost back to my starting weight. yuck.g'night

MMT

just wanted to post a quick entry w/ my new user pic. ugh. a lady i work with called me fat today... :o(