MMT

I've totally lost control. Lost myself. Lost everything I had worked for. I was losing weight. Now I'm almost back where I started. Tonight, on the way home from work, I was thinking about how I'm leaving for the Navy and leaving Massachusetts, and it occured to me that this may be the last time I get to see my grandmother. My only direct living connection to the Dad I lost. She's 90. And her health is failing. And then I bawled. Cried so hard I could barely see through my tears. And I didn't want to go home like that so I went to the grocery store and walked around for an hour, and bought pens (I have a pen fetish) - 10 packs for $1 each. This is the first time I've cried in a long time. I can't remember the last time. I'm going to go take a pill now - a metabolife. And then I'm going to go to bed. I have to be up by 7:30am to pack for my cousin's wedding, then go to work and finish what was left undone tonight, and maybe talk to Kim for a while. Then I have to be at my grandmother's by 10:45 to leave for Cape Cod. Tonight was Don's last night at work. He was one of my favorite MRI techs, and it was weird to say goodbye to him and think that with him leaving and me leaving, there's a good chance that I'll NEVER see him again. That's just weird. And it kind of freaks me out. I hope he'll remember me...I know I'll remember him. He always called me Miss Kelly, and he told me how much he liked working with me. :o) You know, the last time I felt this sad about never seeing people again was when I left ED treatment. And I would do anything to be back in touch with some of them. Anyway, I'm depressing myself. Pills and then bed. G'night.